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Serious Questions on Cosmo’s Food Sex Tips

Serious Questions on Cosmo’s Food Sex Tips

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How does one ever look at a spatula the same way again?

Terrible ways to incorporate food into your sexy times.

Let’s just preface this story by saying that whatever food kink you may have, we don’t judge.

That said, we do have some serious reservations when it comes to bringing the kitchen into the bedroom. Anything too hot could result in serious burns, and anything too cold could lead to serious shrinkage — those are very real problems, right? And pain aside, bringing food into the mix just sounds embarrassing, messy, and awkward.

Yet somehow, everyone wants to combine our two favorite pastimes: eating and sex. Cosmopolitan magazine, especially, seems to have an obsession with whipped cream, honey, chocolate, and some 50 Shades of Grey-inspired repurposing of kitchen utensils. And while we love whipped cream, honey, chocolate, and kitchen utensils in our everyday culinary lives, we might be a bit too OCD about our sheets to try these tips out at home.

So we’ve rounded up some of the most questionable food sex tips we could find, just in time to warn you before Valentine's Day (few things are less sexy than sexy things gone wrong). Read these, laugh, toss these out, and get your sexy on sans food (but definitely with some Justin Timberlake playing in the background).

I committed a serious crime. How do I forgive myself?

Some years ago I committed a serious crime and went to prison. As a result I lost many friends, as well as the job of my dreams. I have not worked since my release. At the time of my offending my lifelong depression was not well handled, and my marriage was teetering on the edge of failure. These are not excuses, but they are reasons why I acted so badly, and so far out of character.

I have served my sentence, rebuilt my marriage and learned a lot. I have beautiful children now, and love them even more than I thought I would. And yet part of me feels like my life is, and always will be, defined by this monstrous failure. The guilt and shame I experience daily sometimes feel like more than I can bear. I never thought of myself as someone who would hurt people, and yet my actions hurt some people very badly. It tortures me. How can I conceive of a contented future when I am not sure I deserve that contentment? I have been forgiven by the people closest to me, but how do I forgive myself?

Eleanor says:Shame is a way of bowing our heads for the fact that we did something wrong. We join in the feelings that other people have towards our action and by seeing ourselves through the eyes of the people we hurt we affirm that those people matter – the very thought our action denied.

But if we feel too much shame for too long it starts to seem as though what we’re really mourning isn’t our action but ourselves: “Am I a terrible person?” “What does this say about me?” This kind of shame doesn’t honour other people because those questions aren’t that interesting to them, and the fact that they’re questions about us means we’re once again acting as though we’re what matters.

The problem is that getting out of the second kind of shame can make you feel as though you’re erasing the first. In answering “am I terrible?” you learn that your actions have explanations, and you get to a place where you can say, “I wouldn’t do that now.” But getting to that place can feel like pulling metaphysical jiu jitsu on the people you wronged. “Aha, the person who hurt you isn’t here any more!”

It sounds as though you really don’t want to do that, as though you’re tortured by the idea of letting yourself off too easily. That makes it very easy to get stuck vacillating between two points of view: I’m a monster, I hurt people I’m reformed, that’s out of character. One feels unfair to your current life and one feels unfair to the people you wronged. Building the present seems to dishonour the past. It won’t help that a large number of people and systems probably react to your criminal record by treating you as a threat to be managed.

The challenge is to hold two points of view at once. Take the idea you mention struggling with – the thought that you could hurt people. You are both someone who did, and someone who wouldn’t.

Practise thinking the thoughts from each point of view in a way that doesn’t bake in the falsification of the other. You acted in a way that deserved blame those actions have explanations. You’ve hurt people terribly you could have happiness in your future. I think part of your agony might be that each of these thoughts sometimes strikes you as true but thinking one seems to betray the others. In fact they can coexist. It will help to stop looking for unified verdicts about what you “deserve” or your “true character”. (If it’s a comfort, these notions are fuzzy at best.)

Parts of the world might be annoyed at you for trying to do that. People are very confident about what you’re “allowed” to do once you’ve committed certain crimes. That makes me hope very much that you have professional help as well as the love of your family while you do the difficult work of rebuilding.

Your job is not to loathe yourself indefinitely. The fact that you worry that might be what you deserve strongly suggests that it’s not. Your only job is to hold tight to the thought that other people matter and express it in how you act. You’ll be much better at that if you can let thoughts about the past coexist with building the present.

9 sex tips for women: how to become better in bed

1. Learn to kiss, properly

Full-on kissing boosts levels of dopamine in the brain, a desire-spiking neurotransmitter in both men and women, according to a study in The American Journal of Medicine.

To get your other half going, try this piece of sex advice: trace their lips slowly with your tongue, or softly bite the edge of their lower lip with your teeth, advises sexologist Carol Queen.

But, before you think about putting this tip to the test during a steamy summer pool sesh, you might want read on and think twice before having sex in water.

2. Play with their ears

In a survey, ears ranked just behind the scrotum as a body part that, when touched, can help men reach their peak. Who knew it was such a turn on?

Add this to your list of sex techniques: try delicately nibbling or licking their ears as they're getting closer to orgasm, while whispering something like: 'Do you like it when I touch you?'

3. Don't be scared of the scrotum

No biting or pinching, please: this area is extra vulnerable to sharp impact.

So what is up its street and worth ranking in the nine sex tips for women? Gentle sucking, squeezing or cupping, which may help some men reach climax more easily during sex, says sex coach Charlie Glickman.

When it comes to foreplay, use this technique from Harwick: 'Start with your hand around both balls, then bring your fingertips together over them &ndash like you're picking up a napkin off the floor.'

4. Get involved in the neck

Their neck is as tingle-triggering as your own, and a study published in the journal Ergonomics found that the nape loves low-frequency vibrations.

Take advantage by kissing the back of their neck with your mouth slightly open, and hum. 'The combination of heat and vibrations will help prompt some serious sensations,' sex expert Emily Morse says.

Or dip into your toy drawer for a fingertip vibe and massage their hairline.

Things not going quite to plan? Make sure you're not making one of he six biggest mistakes couples make in the bedroom before carrying on.

5. Don't be shy with the shaft

Men rated the shaft tops for orgasmic sensitivity when compared with the rest of their nether regions, says a survey published in the journal BJU International.

Because the internal erectile tissues lie deep beneath the skin's surface, when it comes to how to get your grip on, the best sex tips for women will tell you that many guys like the shaft handled pretty firmly. Form a fist around it, moving up and down and adding pressure as you go.

6. Pay their nipples some attention

They'd like a little TLC, FYI. Men who were surveyed for a study in the journal Cortex admitted that the nips are one of their top hot spots.

Queen suggests sucking on one while stroking your their penis with your hand. 'Adding the two erogenous zones together can be very pleasurable,' she says.

7. Get involved with the head

The head of the penis, or the glans, has significantly more nerves than the shaft, so don't skimp on the attention. (The tip is basically the closest thing a person with a penis has to a clitoris, though it's not nearly as sensitive, says Cordeau. We win in that department.)

After coating your fingers in lube, 'loop them into an O shape and slide them over the glans', Queen advises. Then use short, slow pumps that tighten around the tip.

During oral, run your tongue all over the glans and use some soft suction.

8. Hit a bum note

Glickman calls the prostate gland (located a finger's length inside the bum) the 'male G-spot' in his book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure.

To hit this orgasm-inducing region, you'll need to insert a (well-lubricated) digit into your man's behind, directed toward the front of his body, says Queen.

If neither you nor him is up for that, you can also stimulate the prostate by touching the perineum.

9. Have a perineum party

Located behind the scrotum and before his rear entry, this spot contains a gent's ejaculatory muscles &ndash which, when massaged, can make his blast-off feel even more intense, says Glickman.

Try Morse's oral-sex advice: 'Use your thumb to gently rub the perineum in a circular motion, keeping in rhythm with what your mouth is doing. Right before he is about to finish, press the spot firmly to give him an orgasm to top all orgasms.'

Then ask for anything you want in return, obvs.

10. Try dirty talk

If you fancy trying something new, how about giving dirty talk a whirl? 'Erotica and pornography are great sources of inspiration for examples of dirty talking, and to figure out what kind of dirty talking arouses you,&rsquo says Silva Neves, an Accredited Psychosexual and Relationship Psychotherapist.

And might we also suggest a second viewing of Bridgeton for some simple &ndash yet, sexy &ndash one-liners? Although, you might not need inspo from external sources. &lsquoThe brain is the main sexual organ, so looking at your own sexual fantasies non-judgementally might be another place where you&rsquoll find a lot of inspiration,&rsquo Neeves adds.

11. Give them a tantric massage

Incorporating a sensual tantric massage into your repertoire can be super sexy. It's a little complex to go into, here, but consult the full WH guide, here.

When you're postpartum: spooning.

Spooning doesn't have to only be a post-coital activity. Spooning sex is a great postpartum option: by lying down on your sides, you don't add pressure to your probably tender belly. "It really supports slow, nurturing sex and allows you to control the depth of penetration," McKimmie says. She also suggests side-by-side, which is similar to spooning, but you and your partner are facing each other.

It's important to note, however, that before having sex postpartum you should not only have the go-ahead from your physician, but also check in with yourself and make sure you have the physical and emotional energy to engage in sex. "It is perfectly OK to say 'no' to having intercourse but still engage in mutual self-pleasure or self-pleasure, or to be with one's partner while they pleasure themselves," Dr. Stephanie Buehler, psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist, director of The Buehler Institute in Orange County, CA, and author of Counseling Couples Before, During, and After Pregnancy, tells Woman's Day.

5 Surprising sex moves guys would give up for plain ol’ missionary

It isn’t easy to get men to ‘fess up to sex positions and acts that they don’t like. Ask the question and expect the following in return: smiles, long periods of silence (spent smiling), shrugs, claims that “all positions are good,” followed by more silence, and, finally, reluctant acknowledgement that, OK, maybe there are one or two things I wouldn’t write home about.

In truth, if given the choice between having to have sex in one of these positions for an eternity, or never having an orgasm with another person again, I don’t think I have to tell you the clear choice for most men would be to endure the agony of a lifetime of 69. But, for the record, here are five sex positions and acts that some men say they secretly wish could be replaced with a classic and vanilla, but always welcome, blow job.

1. 69

For any woman who has ever felt self-conscious about receiving oral sex, 69 seems like the perfect solution: You can take your mind off of your body by keeping active and giving your partner oral while simultaneously getting the gift of insane pleasure in return. But, guess what? Many men complained that 69 doesn’t allow them to concentrate on you and your needs (which is the best thing you can possibly hear) and work their tongue magic in ways that will drive you to ecstasy. And there are logistical problems with 69, to boot: especially if you’re partner is 6𔃼″ and you’re 5𔃻″. It simply isn’t comfortable.

2. Testicle play

As every woman’s magazine has been teaching women for decades, all men secretly want us to play with their testicles. Right?! Unless you know your way around that sensitive region (which I assume means you have to be a doctor), a lot of men would rather you quit reading Cosmo tips and leave the testicles alone. As James R. admitted to me: “We aren&rsquot so crazy about having our balls played with unless you really know what to do with balls. They&rsquore very sensitive and it can be uncomfortable if you don&rsquot know what you&rsquore doing.”

3. Anal sex

Similar to the great testicle myth, lots of women I’ve spoken with over the years assume their partners would die happy if they would just let them have anal sex already. While it makes for hot dirty talk, lots of men say the reality of anal sex is that it can be messy, complicated, painful (for both the woman and man if there isn’t enough lube involved) and more trouble than it’s worth. “It seems like a hot idea, but in practice it&rsquos messy and has more drawbacks than positives,” says Brian P. “I&rsquove never heard a guy describe anal and say it was enjoyable.”

4. Rough woman-on-top action

Before a bunch of men shout at their computer screens that this is nonsense and I’m trying to ruin their incredible sex lives, allow me to explain. Men love (“love” isn’t a strong enough word to describe the emotion felt) when women get on top of them and really get into it. The trouble comes when we try to turn ourselves into porn stars and go hog wild, without any regard for whether we’re bending or trying to break off our partner’s penis. “Nice and easy is good enough,” says Dylan M.

5. Reverse cowgirl

Similar to men’s complaints about rough woman-on-top action, some men said the mere sight of their partner facing the opposite direction is enough to make them orgasm in seconds, but this can be a tricky position. Serious damage can be done to a man’s penis if we lean too far forward or get carried away and bounce so hard that we forget there’s another human being involved in our pursuit of pleasure. When in doubt, start off slowly and feel it out before letting loose.

7. Communicate what you want.

Talking about sex with a new partner is a must. "In order to have good sex, you need to communicate your wants, needs, and desires to your partner," says SKYN's sex and intimacy expert, Gigi Engle. This includes talking about what this sexual encounter will mean to you, if you are in a casual or serious relationship, if you and/or your partner are planning on being monogamous, and whether or not you are sleeping with other people.

And don't worry, you don't have to bring up this convo the moment you match with someone on Tinder, but you should bring it up before you take that trip to pound town, says Engle.

Things to Talk About With Bae

These Oral Sex Tips Will Blow Him Away In Bed

First step: Stop thinking of it as a job. Done correctly, oral sex can be satisfying for both of you.

First step: Stop thinking of it as a job. Done correctly, oral sex can be satisfying for both of you &mdash so long as you follow this sage advice.

If you&rsquore both having a good time, you&rsquoll both be more inclined to help the other person get off. Everybody wins!

Yeah, you&rsquoll be a little busy, but that doesn&rsquot mean you can&rsquot pleasure yourself too. Try a hands-free vibrator, or hand over the remote to a model like this one, from OhMiBod ($129,

It sounds intimidating, but the payoff is worth it. "Glance up at him just as you're about to take his penis as far into your mouth as you can, then maintain eye contact for a few strokes or the entire time," says Kait Scalisi, sex educator and founder of &ldquoThis move is super intimate, as extended eye contact causes a release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, in both of you.&rdquo

The more at ease you are, the more you&rsquoll be able to focus on the, um, task at hand.

Your Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex

Maybe you've always wanted to try it but feel nervous about taking the plunge. Or maybe anal is already part of your sex routine and you're looking for tips to make it even hotter. Or maybe you're just curious to know what backdoor sex is really like. Whether you're an anal virgin or a die-hard fan, you'll want to keep reading: We talked to sex experts Jessica O'Reilly, Ph.D., author of Hot Sex Tips, Tricks and Licks, and Jane Greer, Ph.D., a New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, to get answers to all of your butt sex-related questions.

Isn't it Kind of. Gross?

"The biggest misconception about anal sex is that it's disgusting, dirty, messy, or that it hurts," says Greer. Yes, she says that for some people, some of those things may be true. "But everyone should know anal sex can be an extremely erotic, exciting activity," she says. "If you're willing to try it, you might find it an unexpectedly fun addition to your sexual repertoire."

RELATED: Shocking News About Anal Sex

But No Really&mdashDoes It Hurt?

Research suggests that pain is common, especially in the beginning. However, it definitely doesn't have to hurt&mdashand there are ways to make it pleasurable, not painful. "With adequate relaxation and arousal, it should feel good for both parties," says O'Reilly. "If you find insertion painful or difficult, stop and go back to the drawing board. Get yourself all riled up and excited in your usual reliable manner, and then return to anal play."

How Do I Get Started?

"The most important thing is feeling comfortable&mdashyou can even wash beforehand if that will help," says Greer. Then, she says, it's all about starting slowly. "You can begin with inserting a finger first and using lube to get comfortable with the pressure in your rectum," she says. "Pay attention to other erotic zones&mdashbreasts, neck, etc.&mdashto get excited at the same time as you're being stimulated anally."

O'Reilly suggests dipping your toe into the water before you dive all the way in: "Wait until you&rsquore very close to orgasm before introducing new sex acts&mdashlike anal penetration&mdashinto your routine," she says. "When you're aroused, the hormonal changes in your body have a palliative effect and help you to relax and experience pleasure more profoundly."

We asked men and women what they think of farting in relationships. Learn what they had to say:

Is Penetration Absolutely Necessary?

Nope&mdashyou can enjoy butt play even if you're not ready to go all the way just yet. Before you go the penetration route, O'Reilly recommends playing with your "pucker" (a.k.a. your butt hole). She says to, "press, fondle, stroke, and swirl your way around to become more comfortable with pleasurable sensations in the region."

Try Solo Play First

"Your two sphincter muscles are not only essential to anal health but also to pleasure," says O'Reilly. "These ring-like structures control what goes in and out of your butt, so you need to become familiar with their functioning and learn to exercise control over them. When you&rsquore in the shower or touching yourself, try sliding a lubed-up finger inside as gently and slowly as possible, and allow your sphincter muscles to contract and release." This will make you more comfortable&mdashand help you discover what feels best back there.

RELATED: 21 Ways to Have Way More Fun With Masturbation

Breathe Deeply

"Holding your breath interferes with muscle relaxation, which is essential to anal sex," says O'Reilly. "As you breathe deeply, your inner sphincter muscle will relax to facilitate penetration." You may feel like you're in a Lamaze class, but practice your breathing while you're doing the DIY route&mdashso you have a good breathing pattern going when you introduce your partner.

Use Lube

"Most people prefer silicone-based lube for anal sex," says O'Reilly. But no matter what type of slippery stuff you choose, you'll probably want to use something to make anal more pleasurable: "Lube is a non-negotiable when it comes to anal play," says O'Reilly.

Try Oral

"If you've been doing it for a while and want to make it even better, see if oral sex anally is an exciting way for you to get aroused before penetration," says Greer. "If it starts to feel uncomfortable, stop until your muscles are relaxed enough to move forward."

Double Your Pleasure

"If you have a vagina and a clit, use them," says O'Reilly. She suggests inserting a toy into your vagina during anal in order to "press against the cul-de-sac from both sides." By "cul-de-sac," she means the little space along the lower/back wall of your vagina, between the cervix and the vaginal wall. "Some women attribute orgasm from anal sex to this hot spot," she says.

Try the "Lap Dance" Position

O'Reilly explains what this means exactly: "The penetrative partner sits on a chair, and their partner stands over them as though they're giving a lap dance. This not only provides a sexy view, but it also allows the standing partner to exercise total control."

Incorporate Some Toys

If you really want to amp up the sensation, O'Reilly suggests playing with a sex accessory, like a vibrating penis ring. (Try the Drive Vibrating Ring from the Women's Health Boutique.)

RELATED: Sex Toys for Couples

No Matter What. Always Be Safe

"The anus is sensitive and prone to tearing and infection," says O'Reilly. "Be sure to practice safer sex with lube and condoms." It's also important not to cross-contaminate: "You never want to put an object in your bum and then back into your vagina," she says.

One Last Thing.

"If you&rsquore not into anal sex, that's okay too," says O'Reilly. "You don't have to create a sexual bucket list and cross off every item in order to enjoy fulfilling sex life&mdashyou simply need to keep an open mind. If you're not into it today, you may want to revisit the possibility in a few months, as your erotic script, arousal pathways, and interpretations of pleasure are constantly changing."

If Your Guy Talks About This, He's Definitely Serious About You

At the start of every relationship it’s not always easy to tell the difference between a guy who's serious about you and a guy seriously trying to get in your pants. The latter is often doing whatever it takes to get you into bed. He’s courting you, being attentive and saying all the things you want to hear, which confuses you even further.

So how do you decipher what’s going on and really figure out if this guy's serious about you?

It all begins with the way you listen. Below, I will give you some tips on what to listen for so that you know he’s not playing any games.

By now, I hope you've taken my advice and asked him the single most important question you should ask on a first date. The premise of that conversation is, “What are you looking for?”

If you listened intently to his answer, you went on a second date with this man because what you’re both looking for the same thing — something serious. You both share the key aspects of your relationship vision. Congrats on passing step number one!

So you’re both looking for a serious relationship, but how do you know if he’s serious about you?

A man who's serious about a relationship is talking about serious things. He’s looking to qualify you as much as you are looking to qualify him.

A serious relationship type of guy talks to you about his vision for his life, his goals and his challenges. He’s willing to share himself with you and show vulnerability. But here’s the caveat and where your listening will really come into play: There's a difference between a man who's willing to share for the sake of rehashing and a man who is sharing for discovery. Therein lies the difference in the man who is serious about you, versus the man who is NOT.

A man who isn't serious about you, or at least one who you shouldn't take seriously, is the one who shares for the sake of sharing. He’s treating you like he would a therapist. He's only interested in someone listening to him talk or in saying what you want to hear. Your conversation doesn’t go anywhere because he continues to rehash what has already been.

A man who is serious about you and your future together is sharing new ideas and asking questions so that he can learn and discover with you. Your conversation is exploratory and positive and has room for growth. He’s asking about your goals and your vision because he doesn’t want to continue to date you if you’re not serious about the same things.

Sex Positions You’ve Gotta Try for Mind-Blowing Orgasms

Don’t believe all the hype from movies, porn and TV &mdash orgasms for folks with vulvas aren’t an easy get through penetration alone, nor or they so elusive and complicated that they aren’t worth trying for. In reality, only about 57 percent of us are climaxing every time we have sex, and that’s usually when a form of stimulation other than penetration is involved. In fact, according to a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in 2017, 37 percent of American women required clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm, and 18 percent (!) of women said they were able to come on vaginal penetration alone.

The bottom line: Most women aren’t having effortless, screaming orgasms every time we hook up. And, of course, orgasm is not the point of sex &mdash but that doesn’t mean we should give up trying to have the best, most mind-blowing sex possible. We just need to get a little creative with our positions and technique. Try these nine sex positions that can help make the situation ideal for mind-blowing orgasms and thank us later.

The butterfly position or modified missionary

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“With the woman on her back and her hips on the edge of the bed, the man penetrates her while standing,” says Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, a psychiatrist who specializes in sex therapy. “She then puts her legs over his shoulders and tilts her hips slightly upward. This gives a wonderful angle for cervical stimulation, with deep penetration that can produce some intense vaginal and uterine orgasms. With more shallow penetration, a man can stimulate the anterior vaginal wall to hit the G-spot.”

Modified coital alignment technique

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“A couple starts off in missionary position,” says Dr. Castellanos. “Once a man penetrates a woman deeply, he allows her to bring her legs together between his. He then shifts his weight slightly forward so that the shaft of his erection is producing firm pressure and friction on her clitoris as he moves. This works very well for women that prefer to have clitoral stimulation during penetration to reach a very powerful orgasm.”

The countertop

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“This is my favorite. It’s when the woman is lying on her back on the counter or table while he enters standing. It’s rough,” says Margaret Wagner, sex expert and founder of the now-closed Bedroom Matters. “There’s pushing aside of papers, pepper shakers, which add to the sense of urgency and inappropriateness. It’s easy to maneuver and move the woman to slide along the counter. There is still contact. He goes deep and feels in control. It works all the way around. The keys are clothing, stuff in the way and being in an open space. Still allows for connection while feeling dirty. It just works on so many levels. It’s not about acrobats. It’s about context.”

The seated scissors

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“This position allows the woman to have the control in order to determine the depth and angle of penetration as well as how much clitoral stimulation she gets,” says Dr. Castellanos. “With the man lying flat on his back and his knees bent, she straddles him with one leg to the side of his hip and the other leg between his legs. The woman can then find just the right spot to grind against his pubic bone with him inside her. She controls the pace, the depth and the amount of pressure and friction she receives. This is definitely a prescription for mind-blowing sex!”

Get off, stand up

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“I’m no [pro], but whenever I’ve had sex standing up and holding my partner in the air or up against the wall, it’s been mind-blowing for both of us,” says Jim, an experienced heterosexual male. “I suspect it taps into some of our innate gender differences &mdash the strong man and the small woman &mdash which, in turn, heightens the sexual experience. It also forces us to be in a full embrace, which furthers the emotional connection as well as our physical one. It’s physically demanding and not for all couples, but for those that can, it’s highly recommended.”

Uncloaking the clit

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“Given a woman’s clitoris is buried under the clitoral hood and cushiony mons pubis surrounding it, it’s no wonder this tiny nub rarely receives enough stimulation during intercourse to catch the ‘O’ train,” says Jaiya. “Your hands, though, can help change that. Form a ‘V’ with your index and middle fingers, and point your fingers toward your feet. Press this ‘V’ onto the mons pubis, with a finger to each side of the clitoris. Then pull up, moving the skin with your hand. This should unveil the hard-to-reach clit in all its glory, exposing this little love button to a lot more action.”

Shake ‘n’ bake

“If you’re craving a quick but stimulating break from intercourse, this move is the perfect titillating timeout,” says Jaiya. “To do it, the man withdraws and rests the tip of his penis on the clitoris. Then, hold the base of the penis, and shake it quickly from side to side so that the head hits the clitoris with every wiggle. In doing so, you’ll be stimulating both heads at once &mdash that of the clitoris and the penis &mdash which should send you both into paroxysms of pleasure.”

Pushing tush

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“If your guy enjoys having his back door explored, reach around with both hands, and grab both cheeks,” says Jaiya. “From there, you can do ‘butt yoga’ (a technique whereby you spread the cheeks apart, then together, one up one down, then vice versa) or ‘anal yoga’ (a technique whereby you place your middle fingers to the sides of the anus, then spread them apart, then diagonally, then up and down). If that gets him hankering for more, feel free to delve deeper.”

Happy scissors

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

“Heating up hot spots aren’t your hands-only talents,” says Jaiya. “They’re also great at moving body parts where you want them, and this technique is a prime opportunity. During intercourse, raise your legs, then have your man hold an ankle in each hand. From there, you can spread her legs apart, hold them together, part them at 80 degrees &mdash the options are endless. And since the tendons of the legs pivot deep in the pelvic cavity, moving them around will subtly alter the below-the-belt sensations for you both. Talk about getting a leg up on a little variety!”

A version of this article was originally published in February 2010.

Before you go, read up on the 69 sex positions we have on our bucket list: